The
steam blew into my face as the train blew into the station. I had always wanted to come and see this
train station. I had never ridden a
train before. I was so excited. The train made a "psssh" sound and
came to a stop. The passengers exited
almost immediately. All of them were
laughing and talking to one another. I
guess some people had made friends along the way. Maybe I would too. The light came from the big windows
above. I was standing right in the
middle of one. Then I remembered why I
was here. My name is Carson. And I have a story to tell you.
When
I was six, my dad was killed in a work fire.
My mom was a stay home mom because dad got lots of money at work. So when daddy died, we had no car and no
money. We went out on our own. We had it all worked out with the stealing
and all that stuff. Mom would even
pickpocket, attack and steal movie tickets from people so we could watch movies
sometimes. Then she was caught. We saw a sign that had mommy's face on it one
day. Mom said no more movies. I was sad.
One day we were walking down the street when we heard police cars. Mommy told me to run away but I didn’t go. Mommy promised movie tickets later so then I
ran to the nearest alley and watched the whole scene. Some big bullies came out of the police car
and put mommy in handcuffs. They put her
in the car and drove away. I knew mommy
wasn’t coming back. I was on my own now.
I
had walked and walked and walked, stealing food from grocery stores and
sometimes pick pocketing people for actual money that he could use for movie
tickets or anything I wanted. I mostly stole food and water though, because
that was all I needed. I didn’t have any
friends to pass the time with. No one to
talk to except the big people in the alleys or the homeless guys in the
woods. No one. But I still had one hope. The last thing my mom said was, "5th
Avenue, across the street from the subway station. Room 245." And then they took her
away.
So
here I am. I took my ride from Brooklyn
to 5th Avenue. And the light for the
crosswalk turned to the white sign for walk.
I walked. I was stunned. I didn’t know what was going to happen. It happened all too soon. I snuck in from the
back and climbed up to the second floor.
240…241…242...243…244…245. The knock.
My heart could have burst out of my chest and start to walk away because
I had so much adrenaline. The door opened. Mommy was there.
Great piece I love the conclusion. I expected that it was going to be a bunch of cash or something that she had stashed. I think that you should try to make your sentences a little less choppy. Overall good piece though.
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